I am home on a sick day from school, trying to stem the flood from my nose and browsing more wedding sites (I really wanted to finally get up a project I’ve been working on but I can’t get off the couch =p). I’ve picked out items both reasonable and outrageous. Especially my dress.
I have two sides to this internal argument. I have fallen in love with a delightful designer gown that is in the $2000 range. If it suits my figure and looks attractive, I will splurge on this wonder and move on with the rest of my life. I deserve it, I figure. If it doesn’t suit me, I have another picked out in a very reasonable three digit range that will more thoroughly please my parents, who are offering to help me pay for it. I know this less expensive dress suits me, as I’ve tried it on before, and I’d be delighted with it… but only if the one I am desperately in love with doesn’t.
Everything else in the wedding must pass though the veil (hurhur) of “does this make sense to pay money for, and what can it be used for after the wedding?” My dress, of course, I can rationalize on many levels. I’m a skilled seamstress after all; why should I not wish for the highest quality, even if it costs more? But then chimes in the voice that says, “Really, Beverly? For one day?” A question to which I really have no answer, and constantly grates against my practical, frugal ideals. I rail against $120 bridesmaid dresses and stomp over to Target.com to find equally nice (better even! No yucky satin!) dresses for $30, and feel satisfied with my choice. But why? Wedding party members have offered to pay some, if not all, their share for their clothing. Parents on both sides have offered financial support. Both Nick and I will be working full time and be able to save plenty for our expenditures. We don’t NEED to stay in a four figure budget, but I’m fighting to do so anyway. Why is that?
I think it all chalks up to the way I live my life, my nature to be reasonable in spending money, in defining what are ‘needs’ and what are ‘wants.’ It’s always been an important focus for me, and now for Nick and I as a couple. While we know there will need to be money spent on the wedding, I can’t help but want to do much of the work myself, cut out the non-essential fluff, and make the most of our money. We’re also saving for a house, a long term investment, and to spend portions of that money on a one-day event takes away from that. Even so… I know this day is important. It’s the first celebration of our life, and I want my family and friends to enjoy it… I want Nick and I to enjoy it, too!
So I continue to seek that fine line between the necessary and the frivolous, wavering here and there, but not falling off the tightrope, and always with my eyes on the goal of having a beautiful, memorable day with which to start our life together.
Photo from Vaguely Artistic on flickr.